Bye-bye bikes

Cyclists who leave their bikes chained up at Seaford Station may well find their vehicles stolen when they return. The culprit has already confessed to the crime, in advance. You have to admire their honesty, but at the same time question whether a regional rail operator should really be behaving in such a way.

Southern Railway "has issued notices telling cyclists if they persist in leaving their bikes outside the designated area, it will remove them", according to the Gazette.

It doesn't say what it will do with the bikes it plans to take away. Staff bonuses? Spare parts for rolling stock? We can only guess.

Anyone who remembers how grim the old slam-door carriages we used to have on this part of the network were will probably have something of a soft spot for Southern, with its nice green trains and scrolling LEDs predicting the next "station stop". But I don't remember reading about anything in their franchise agreement entitling them to nick our bikes.

Perhaps the deal works both ways. I am going to issue a little note to the Fat Controller, advising that the next time I have to stand in a crowded doorway all the way from Victoria to Haywards Heath, or my train is cancelled due to staff shortages, I will be helping myself to three KitKats and a can of beer from the trolley.

But Southern has solved a little problem for me. I have about six rusty old bikes in my garage that I'm always tripping over, all of which are well beyond their useful life. I can never think what to do with them. Now I have the solution and they'll be on the railings by the end of the week, awaiting collection from the nice people at Southern. What a service.